Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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