I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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