??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
