I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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