Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
