so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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