I hate all girls vehemently.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
