i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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