How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You left your phone here
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