the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
