New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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