It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
