Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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