Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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