Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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