His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
