Whod you bang
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
