Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
