I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The best revenge is premature balding
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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