no you cant smoke seaweed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
