I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
