Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
