shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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