A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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