I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
