Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
