I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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