I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
