how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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