You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize