just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
