I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
