Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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