I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
