Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
