ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
