I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
