you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
