So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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