he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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