I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
