yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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