take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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