help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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