Whod you bang
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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