There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
