I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
