i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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