Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
