I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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