So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
