He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
