So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
