It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
