This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
