Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
