How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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