I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
