It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
