wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
