East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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