I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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