He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
