he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
