he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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