spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
