I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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