i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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