I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
