i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
