also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
