just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
