You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
