guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
