It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize