Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
