Whod you bang
I hate all girls vehemently.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
