I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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