He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
