Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
