My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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