He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize